With all the press and comments surrounding bullying and gay bashing, I thought I should out myself as THAT guy. I was the one who got harassed in Jr. High. I had a regular group of guys that called me "queer" and "fag". These same guys would kick, punch, trip and knock my books from my hands on almost a daily basis. A few of them even did things like trashcan me, spit on me.....and one even held a pocket knife to my throat. All because they thought I was gay.
Well, I was gay. But this was 1980 in a small town in Iowa. I knew of no other gay people. I had no role models. Basically, I knew I was different.....but I did not know really what to call it or why. I resented being called gay by those who tormented me. It made me want to be anything but what they called me. But, I did not know what they saw that made them say what they did.....so I could not change anything if I did not know what to change.
I went to the school counselor. He was not very helpful. Henry Siemens sat and listened to my plight....seemed to be uncomfortable with the conversation. At the end he proclaimed to not see any problem with me. He said he had no idea why people would say those things about me....I was not walking around the school in high heels and a dress.....so really, there was no problem for him to address. I was dumbfounded. I had no idea what he was talking about. I was not really aware of cross dressers.....and I knew that was not something that I was doing or wanted to do.
I left the counselor's office confused and frustrated. Knowing that nothing had changed and on top of it all, I had to confess everything to someone who was no help and might even make things worse. I had heard that a favorite teacher of mine had made mention about me being gay to other students. That teacher called me to her classroom where she expressed how angry she was....mad at me for believing that she would say such a thing. But, she was not really a resource to assist me.
I told my mother. She did not want to deal with the reality. She made comments like "be a man" and "tough it out". I had no idea how she meant for me to do those things. I thought I was being a man and being tough....but how do you do that when there are groups of people harassing you and interrupting everything that you do?
So, I chose to be an introvert. This is a choice I could make. Be invisible. It was not an easy choice to make. I liked music. I liked drama. I wanted to sing and dance. But, singing and dancing was not the way to make yourself invisible. I withdrew into my own world. I chose to not have or make close friends. Why would I want to subject others to the kind of treatment that I was used to? I did not. And I did not trust anyone else anyway. And I did not trust or like myself. I felt rejected by society and I blamed myself.
This lasted for about three years. I don't have many pictures of myself from those years. I did not do much to take pictures of..... In those quiet times - left alone with only my thoughts, with no resources or people to turn to.....I will confess that suicide is a thought that crossed my mind.
Now, I do not want to belabor or belittle the facts....but I did not have a real concept of how I would commit suicide. I guess that meant I was never really serious about it. I knew of taking pills....and I doubted I could swallow pills, or where I would get pills that would do the job. I knew that you could hang yourself....but, we did not have grown trees in our yard....and I doubt that I was creative enough to figure out another way to do that. We had guns....but I feared them and did not ever get curious as to where we kept them or the ammunition.
Suicide passed my thoughts, but never lingered. I never became obsessed with the idea. And my invisibility plan did make the harassment decrease. The results of being invisible though are that you do not volunteer for things....you do not engage in classroom conversations or debates....you do not experience many of the wonderful things of becoming an adult while still being a teen.
It took going to High School to make things change for me. And it did not change over night. My first year in High School was me tentatively trying to trust people again. And when I realized that my tormentors were lost in a larger sea of people, I tried to trust others and new friends I was now starting to make. And I found that people liked me. And that I was fun to be around and had a funny personality.
It gets better. It gets so much better. I just wish I did not have to become invisible to get through the worst parts. And I hope that no one else....no funny kid that wants to sing and dance.....has to choose instead to be invisible just to get through the day.
We all deserve the right to sing and dance if we want to......and no one should stop us from being just who we were born to be!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Not Another Prop 8 Blog Post!
By now Prop 8 has been debated and re-debated many times over. Every side has stood their ground and declared justification for why they believe what they do. Arguments have raged on now for nearly two years in California. Friendships have ended over this issue. Families are torn. Church congregations have been divided.
Why?
Here are the facts. Gay people do exist. They always have existed. No research or science has ever been able to prove that gay people are recruited or that people choose their sexual orientation. Gay people do have relationships and in those relationships, they want the same things that heterosexuals in relationships want...stability, companionship, shared responsibilities and life experiences. Gay couples want to buy a house together, build a life together, and sometimes raise children together. Sound familiar? We are not so different, are we?
What does a marriage automatically do for people? Well, it automatically confers shared property and parentage. There are no additional documents or procedures needed when a married couple buys a house or adopts a child. Those additional steps needed for those who are not married sometimes make the processes prohibitive. There suddenly is a different standard required for those who are not married.
In court proceedings there is a preferred status granted those who are married. They can not be compelled to testify against someone they are legally married to... It may not seem like a big thing to those not currently on trial, but it can be very important if you would find yourself in that situation. Also, married people have access to visit spouses in jail that unmarried people may not be granted.
And then there is death. It is hard to think about, but it is harder still for the same-sex couple who have lived their lives together for many years and built a life and estate together....only to have one person die and the other treated like an interloper when they are told they have little to no rights to the shared properties. And if they are allowed to inherit, they are automatically hit with addition property transfer taxes and income taxes on those items that legally married people would not have to pay.
These are just a few of the benefits granted married people. There are over 1000 federal benefits that can not be recreated without becoming legally wed. Domestic partnership and Civil Unions can provide some of those benefits, but it has be proven that those alternatives are eternally flawed at providing the exact same rights.
Our laws and our government are intended to view each of us as equal. With equal rights and opportunities granted to all of us as long as we are law abiding citizens of the USA. How in good conscience can our laws support or perpetuate denial of the right to marry the legally consenting adult of our choosing? Inter-racial marriages were also banned at one time too. And the same types of reasoning were used back then....they told inter-racial couples they were of course allowed the equal right to marry. Just go marry one of your "same kind". What a terrible and racist thing to say. We would not even think to say that to someone from a racial minority today. But so many who supported Prop 8 tell us as well that we already have the equal right to marry.....just marry someone of the opposite sex and you will be fine. Fine? They actually advocate further misuse of the marriage laws (that they claim are so sacred) just as long as we are not allowed to marry the person that we love. They would support marriage fraud over allowing legal same-sex marriages. Astounding!
I can not think of a more cruel or inhumane way to discriminate against a people. Either deny them their rights or deny them the one that they love. Make a choice....what do you really want? Yikes! No wonder people choose love over governmental rights most of the time.
Well, Prop 8 appears to be moving into History...but those who oppose gay marriage (and really they just oppose gay people, but are not willing to admit it).....those people will still be here.
How far will they be willing to go to promote their agenda when the laws ultimately fail to support them?
Why?
Here are the facts. Gay people do exist. They always have existed. No research or science has ever been able to prove that gay people are recruited or that people choose their sexual orientation. Gay people do have relationships and in those relationships, they want the same things that heterosexuals in relationships want...stability, companionship, shared responsibilities and life experiences. Gay couples want to buy a house together, build a life together, and sometimes raise children together. Sound familiar? We are not so different, are we?
What does a marriage automatically do for people? Well, it automatically confers shared property and parentage. There are no additional documents or procedures needed when a married couple buys a house or adopts a child. Those additional steps needed for those who are not married sometimes make the processes prohibitive. There suddenly is a different standard required for those who are not married.
In court proceedings there is a preferred status granted those who are married. They can not be compelled to testify against someone they are legally married to... It may not seem like a big thing to those not currently on trial, but it can be very important if you would find yourself in that situation. Also, married people have access to visit spouses in jail that unmarried people may not be granted.
And then there is death. It is hard to think about, but it is harder still for the same-sex couple who have lived their lives together for many years and built a life and estate together....only to have one person die and the other treated like an interloper when they are told they have little to no rights to the shared properties. And if they are allowed to inherit, they are automatically hit with addition property transfer taxes and income taxes on those items that legally married people would not have to pay.
These are just a few of the benefits granted married people. There are over 1000 federal benefits that can not be recreated without becoming legally wed. Domestic partnership and Civil Unions can provide some of those benefits, but it has be proven that those alternatives are eternally flawed at providing the exact same rights.
Our laws and our government are intended to view each of us as equal. With equal rights and opportunities granted to all of us as long as we are law abiding citizens of the USA. How in good conscience can our laws support or perpetuate denial of the right to marry the legally consenting adult of our choosing? Inter-racial marriages were also banned at one time too. And the same types of reasoning were used back then....they told inter-racial couples they were of course allowed the equal right to marry. Just go marry one of your "same kind". What a terrible and racist thing to say. We would not even think to say that to someone from a racial minority today. But so many who supported Prop 8 tell us as well that we already have the equal right to marry.....just marry someone of the opposite sex and you will be fine. Fine? They actually advocate further misuse of the marriage laws (that they claim are so sacred) just as long as we are not allowed to marry the person that we love. They would support marriage fraud over allowing legal same-sex marriages. Astounding!
I can not think of a more cruel or inhumane way to discriminate against a people. Either deny them their rights or deny them the one that they love. Make a choice....what do you really want? Yikes! No wonder people choose love over governmental rights most of the time.
Well, Prop 8 appears to be moving into History...but those who oppose gay marriage (and really they just oppose gay people, but are not willing to admit it).....those people will still be here.
How far will they be willing to go to promote their agenda when the laws ultimately fail to support them?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Lindsey is off to jail.....who's next?
Today Lindsey Lohan is going to jail. Not really such a huge surprise to anyone, but with all the attention surrounding her fate - it makes me wonder how it will effect the rest of us.
Now, you may not think that Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan have anything to do with you or anyone you know. But they do have a huge effect on society as a whole. They are social icons that represent style, taste, fashions, and trends. They are walking billboards of celebrity and fame.
Our culture is obsessed with celebrity and fame. In our entertainment choices and attitudes we mimic and parrot those who have fame. With reality television so popular now and the ease at which we can all post our lives on line......so many in our society clamor to be like those in Hollywood.
In the past celebrities were not known to go to jail. There were a few exceptions, but those were extreme cases and it was easy to separate ourselves from those people. We as a society did not relate to them on a personal level. Usually these people had committed heinous crimes to get put behind bars.
But, Lindsey is really kind of the girl next door. She is the spoiled girl down the block....she is the "sweet sixteen" brat who just "wants what she wants"....no matter the consequences. And now she is going to spend time in the Big House. Is this something else that people are now going to find just a little more acceptable?
One of the best things that deters people from breaking laws and going to jail is the social stigma of the jail itself. No one else you know is going to jail, so why would anyone want to allow themselves to go there either? Jail is considered a scary place filled with unknown hazards and consequences. With celebrities now going to jail more often than ever, the spotlight is spreading from the red carpet to the prison cell. It seems a little less scary and a lot less uncommon.
I would bet money that there is a study that shows that people who know someone in jail or that has been to jail have a higher probability to eventually go to jail as well.
I think it is fair to say that a jail visit just became a little more of a probability for a whole lot of people today. It has entered people's minds as a possible scenario now instead of something never to be a consideration at all.
Some people may learn a lesson from Lindsey's consequences, but I think there are others still who will live on and continue to emulate her....right into a cell block.
Now, you may not think that Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan have anything to do with you or anyone you know. But they do have a huge effect on society as a whole. They are social icons that represent style, taste, fashions, and trends. They are walking billboards of celebrity and fame.
Our culture is obsessed with celebrity and fame. In our entertainment choices and attitudes we mimic and parrot those who have fame. With reality television so popular now and the ease at which we can all post our lives on line......so many in our society clamor to be like those in Hollywood.
In the past celebrities were not known to go to jail. There were a few exceptions, but those were extreme cases and it was easy to separate ourselves from those people. We as a society did not relate to them on a personal level. Usually these people had committed heinous crimes to get put behind bars.
But, Lindsey is really kind of the girl next door. She is the spoiled girl down the block....she is the "sweet sixteen" brat who just "wants what she wants"....no matter the consequences. And now she is going to spend time in the Big House. Is this something else that people are now going to find just a little more acceptable?
One of the best things that deters people from breaking laws and going to jail is the social stigma of the jail itself. No one else you know is going to jail, so why would anyone want to allow themselves to go there either? Jail is considered a scary place filled with unknown hazards and consequences. With celebrities now going to jail more often than ever, the spotlight is spreading from the red carpet to the prison cell. It seems a little less scary and a lot less uncommon.
I would bet money that there is a study that shows that people who know someone in jail or that has been to jail have a higher probability to eventually go to jail as well.
I think it is fair to say that a jail visit just became a little more of a probability for a whole lot of people today. It has entered people's minds as a possible scenario now instead of something never to be a consideration at all.
Some people may learn a lesson from Lindsey's consequences, but I think there are others still who will live on and continue to emulate her....right into a cell block.
Friday, July 9, 2010
The Phenomenon of Lady Gaga
Since I just started writing my blog, I am taking the first few entries to catch up on some of the main topics of the day. One of the most exciting performers lately has been Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga is celebrated as a huge commercial success at a time when the music industry is registering record losses. With the advent of iTunes and digital mediums, music today is in a fluid state and the old market methods are not in play anymore. People are rare to buy a CD. It just does not make sense to spend $11.99 on a CD when all you want is that $1.29 hit single. And then if you wait about four months you can get a "hits" CD with 20 hit songs for only $9.99. Even then it is hard to justify a CD purchase. If the only thing you do is load that CD into your iPod and then toss it aside, why not just download the whole thing and not have the waste?
How does this relate to Lady Gaga? She is that rare example of an artist who creates a compelling reason to buy the whole album. And even if you download it off the internet, you probably want to consider buying the whole album. Lady Gaga puts together a collection of songs that all have ear appeal. They together build a cohesive story of sorts and as a conceptual artist deliver a greater over all message. Sure, we all want to sing and dance to Bad Romance.....but that song is just the intro to get you into great gems like Teeth and Monster.
As an artist, Lady Gaga has shown to not be willing to compromise. She refuses to lip-sync her lead vocals. She plays and writes her own songs. She dances and helps create her own choreography. She supports equal rights for all people and is doing great work empowering women.
But, the bottom line on Lady Gaga is that she is fun. Her songs are catchy and infectious. They translate easily to ballads and remixes alike. They are full of imagery and metaphors that allow them to be translated to a persons individual experiences. Her fashions are wild and creative. She is a spectacle to behold. She earns the title of celebrity by playing the game and not being played.
It is great to see a strong woman choosing her own headlines instead of being a victim of them.
Lady Gaga is celebrated as a huge commercial success at a time when the music industry is registering record losses. With the advent of iTunes and digital mediums, music today is in a fluid state and the old market methods are not in play anymore. People are rare to buy a CD. It just does not make sense to spend $11.99 on a CD when all you want is that $1.29 hit single. And then if you wait about four months you can get a "hits" CD with 20 hit songs for only $9.99. Even then it is hard to justify a CD purchase. If the only thing you do is load that CD into your iPod and then toss it aside, why not just download the whole thing and not have the waste?
How does this relate to Lady Gaga? She is that rare example of an artist who creates a compelling reason to buy the whole album. And even if you download it off the internet, you probably want to consider buying the whole album. Lady Gaga puts together a collection of songs that all have ear appeal. They together build a cohesive story of sorts and as a conceptual artist deliver a greater over all message. Sure, we all want to sing and dance to Bad Romance.....but that song is just the intro to get you into great gems like Teeth and Monster.
As an artist, Lady Gaga has shown to not be willing to compromise. She refuses to lip-sync her lead vocals. She plays and writes her own songs. She dances and helps create her own choreography. She supports equal rights for all people and is doing great work empowering women.
But, the bottom line on Lady Gaga is that she is fun. Her songs are catchy and infectious. They translate easily to ballads and remixes alike. They are full of imagery and metaphors that allow them to be translated to a persons individual experiences. Her fashions are wild and creative. She is a spectacle to behold. She earns the title of celebrity by playing the game and not being played.
It is great to see a strong woman choosing her own headlines instead of being a victim of them.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
There is no Arizona
Arizona. Where to start? Where to end? There is just....so....much.
I appreciate Arizona. I like the area. I have friends in Arizona..
Ok, now that I have said that..... Arizona is being run by radicals. Jan Brewer is a pretty scary person. I know she looks harmless, but really if you listen to just about anything she says on any subject you can hear how flustered and out of her league she really is.... John McCain is increasingly horrible. He has changed his position so many times on so many issues, it is a wonder he can remember exactly how he feels about anything these days. And for him to have ever thought associating with Palin was a good idea, well.....any respect I had ever had for him is long gone.
It is not that I disagree with the premise that illegal immigration is a problem. I can understand all of the logistics of such an increasingly tenuous situation. I know that this issue raises its head every so often. Most Presidents in the last forty years have had to deal with this issue in one way or another. I do not think this is a new issue. And I really do not believe that it is an increasingly worse issue these days either. It is ongoing.
There needs to be something done to address the issue. Most illegals are not here to commit criminal acts against the population. They are here to make money and support their families. They do jobs that many do not want to do. They are an important part of our economy really.
The law that was passed in Arizona is not necessarily a bad thing. But, as it is written, it is sloppy legislation with the opportunity for abuse very high. Legal American citizens should not be threatened with this kind of law. It should not be an issue. But, unfortunately it is. And there is valid concern to be weary of this law and how it will be implemented. Many in law enforcement have made the comment that it is not enforceable. These issues must be addressed.
Let's fix the problem.....but let's make sure we do not make more problems in the process.
I appreciate Arizona. I like the area. I have friends in Arizona..
Ok, now that I have said that..... Arizona is being run by radicals. Jan Brewer is a pretty scary person. I know she looks harmless, but really if you listen to just about anything she says on any subject you can hear how flustered and out of her league she really is.... John McCain is increasingly horrible. He has changed his position so many times on so many issues, it is a wonder he can remember exactly how he feels about anything these days. And for him to have ever thought associating with Palin was a good idea, well.....any respect I had ever had for him is long gone.
It is not that I disagree with the premise that illegal immigration is a problem. I can understand all of the logistics of such an increasingly tenuous situation. I know that this issue raises its head every so often. Most Presidents in the last forty years have had to deal with this issue in one way or another. I do not think this is a new issue. And I really do not believe that it is an increasingly worse issue these days either. It is ongoing.
There needs to be something done to address the issue. Most illegals are not here to commit criminal acts against the population. They are here to make money and support their families. They do jobs that many do not want to do. They are an important part of our economy really.
The law that was passed in Arizona is not necessarily a bad thing. But, as it is written, it is sloppy legislation with the opportunity for abuse very high. Legal American citizens should not be threatened with this kind of law. It should not be an issue. But, unfortunately it is. And there is valid concern to be weary of this law and how it will be implemented. Many in law enforcement have made the comment that it is not enforceable. These issues must be addressed.
Let's fix the problem.....but let's make sure we do not make more problems in the process.
Can I share with you?
Welcome! I am jumping into the blogging world about five years too late. Oh well, hopefully my views and opinions will be welcomed or at least worthy of discussion. I am glad you are here!
I am rather opinionated. I realize that my views are not always shared with others - and that is just fine by me. I appreciate a good debate and different views are always welcome here. When people disagree with me it is not automatically taken as a personal offense to me. Can't we all just get along? Well, no. No we can't......and that is ok with me.
I tend to run to the hot button issues of the day. Politics. Religion. Race. All favorites of mine.
I can also be incredibly mundane. Downright boring at times. And maybe I will share that loveliness on this blog too. No matter what I write, I am sure some of you out there will think I am just some nut. I am a harmless one though. Rest assured and read on.....read on.
I am rather opinionated. I realize that my views are not always shared with others - and that is just fine by me. I appreciate a good debate and different views are always welcome here. When people disagree with me it is not automatically taken as a personal offense to me. Can't we all just get along? Well, no. No we can't......and that is ok with me.
I tend to run to the hot button issues of the day. Politics. Religion. Race. All favorites of mine.
I can also be incredibly mundane. Downright boring at times. And maybe I will share that loveliness on this blog too. No matter what I write, I am sure some of you out there will think I am just some nut. I am a harmless one though. Rest assured and read on.....read on.
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